"The Greatest GPU Ever—Believe Me"
By Donald J. Trump
Ladies and gentlemen, tech enthusiasts, and gamers—so many gamers, tremendous people, you wouldn’t believe—today, we’re here to talk about something incredible. It’s the NVIDIA GPU, the newest one. They’re calling it a game-changer, and let me tell you, folks, nobody knows more about game-changing than me.
First of all, let me just say, NVIDIA is an amazing company. Fantastic people. I know them, I know them well. They make the best GPUs, everyone agrees. Some people said, “Oh, AMD has this or that,” but trust me, NVIDIA’s GPUs are like the Rolls-Royce of graphics cards. Classy, powerful, and, let’s be honest, very expensive—but worth every penny.
This latest GPU, the RTX 5090 Ultra Mega Deluxe Turbo—I don’t know if that’s the name, but it should be—has more power than Sleepy Joe’s entire administration. It’s got teraflops, folks. Do you know what a teraflop is? I don’t, but I love it. Teraflops, gigaflops, so many flops—but this one doesn’t flop. This one wins.
Now, let’s talk specs, okay? The numbers are HUGE. Massive performance. It’s got ray tracing, which I think is like tracing but with rays. Beautiful rays. The best rays. Makes your games look so real, you’ll think you’re in them. Minecraft? Looks like Manhattan. Call of Duty? Looks like a day in New York City. Tremendous detail.
And the AI. Oh, folks, the AI is out of this world. It’s smarter than some politicians I know, believe me. They call it DLSS—Deep Learning Super Sampling. Amazing stuff. It’s like Photoshop for frames, making your games smoother and faster. Very fast, the fastest. People are saying this GPU is the Usain Bolt of gaming. And I agree.
But let me tell you the most important thing: It’s MADE in America. Is it? I don’t know, but we’re going to say it is because we love America, don’t we, folks? And if it’s not, we’ll bring it back. I’ll make a deal with Jensen Huang, the NVIDIA guy, tremendous CEO. We’ll bring the factories here, create jobs, and have GPUs stamped with "Made in the USA."
Now, I know some of you are saying, “Mr. Trump, these GPUs are expensive.” And yes, they are. But here’s the thing: you get what you pay for. Do you want a cheap GPU that runs like a golf cart, or do you want the Ferrari of GPUs? With this one, you can run Cyberpunk at 8K with RTX on, and it’ll look so good, you won’t even notice the bugs.
So to NVIDIA, I say congratulations. This GPU is going to Make Gaming Great Again. To all the gamers, go buy it. Use your crypto money or whatever you people do. And remember, when you’re fragging your friends in 4K, you’re doing it with the best.
Thank you, God bless gaming, and God bless the United States of America.